the thing about the second wave feminine dichotomy which is definitely not its main problem but gets under my skin the most
is that it frames a lot of behaviors/personality traits as “capitulating” to the patriarchy
taking the easy way out
hiding
and yeah, given that i want a lot of things…
A-fucking-men.
My mother is an ardent feminist, and has worked at home through most of my childhood and adolescence. Moreover, she left the field of law to become a children’s book writer, a) because she hated law and felt writing was her true calling, and b) she wanted to be at home with her children. And that’s okay. Even though second wave feminists might condemn her for choosing a more traditionally feminine career, or deciding to stay at home.
She loves what she’s doing, and is much happier now than she would be had she decided to stick it out in a profession she disliked. Her choice is no less legitimate than the choice a career-woman makes to commit herself to a competitive field. I fail to see how doing something you love, whether that be engineering, writing, or child-rearing, is succumbing to the patriarchy.
It is the fact that women have that choice that is precisely the point of feminism, in my opinion. And my mother, the woman who raised me a feminist, would agree.
Ok, while I completely and totally agree that vilifying more “traditionally” feminine behaviors is problematic and wrong, I have issues with slapping the “second wave” label on that dichotomy. Using “second wave” as shorthand for problematic feminism obscures the many, many good things the second wave did for women: marital rape laws, opening up the workplace, custody and divorce laws, and recognition of sexual abuse and assault. Not trying to start a fight here, just. This is something that gets under my skin.
